my dreamShe comes to visit.
"Angel walk with me we need to talk."
She follows me and we go outside.
We sit on the back of my moms car.
It seems like an eternity.
Finally I say. "you don't belong with him."
"Bu-" she begins.
"No please listen."
"I care for you a lot."
"I know you do." She says.
"No you don't Angel."
"I love you."
"I will never hurt you."
"He did and you took him back."
"Because I love him." She says.
"ut does he love you?"
"Yes I mean I think so."
"Angel if you have to think about it then it's sad. You shouldn't have to think about it. You should know. It should be automatic."
"Your right Nate." she says "but if he doesn't love me then who does?"
"I do Angel I do
Angeldid When life get so hard?
Was it when Beth came?
Was it when she left?
Or was it when I met angel?
Either way I just want all this stress to go away.
The stress is breaking me down.
Every night when I go to bed I break down.
I just cry and cry.
I cry until I can't cry any more.
The only person that I can talk to is Angel.
She knows what I am going through.
She has this stress too.
She knows what its like not to eat.
Not to eat because of the stress.
And that's why I can trust her.
That's why I can confide in her.
And she confides in me.
We confide in each other.
When I talk to her I feel
Happy, I feel great, and I feel like I can do anything.
She keeps me grounded.
And I need her to keep talking to me.
HomeThey say home is where you belong.
What if that house isn't a home at all?
What if it is just a place of residence?
Is it still where you belong?
What if your mother doesn't care?
What if your mother thinks you are a whore?
What if she blames you for all of her problems?
Do you stay because you are obligated?
Or should you go to a better place?
A place where you will be treated right.
What do you do?
The GlassI tell him "Sit down we need to talk."
He says "I'm busy it will have to wait."
"No it can't wait" I say voice louder than usual.
"Calm down!" he hollers.
"I am fucking calm!" I holler back.
"Don't fucking swear at me!" He yells.
"I'll fucking swear if I fucking want to!" I scream.
Then he did something I never thought he would do.
He picked up a glass and threw it at me.
I can't believe that he would do that.
The look in his eye terrified me.
I immediately started grabbing my stuff.
I got my stuff and messaged my friend.
"Nate I'm scared."
"I want to come and stay with you."
"Please come and get me."
"Nate he wants to take me home."
"I don't want to get in the car with him."
He couldn't come for me.
He didn't have the money for the passport.
I know that he would if he could.
And that's enough for now.
I know he cares.
I know he won't let me down.
I agree to get in the car and say I have to go.
I tell Nate I'll call him when I get home.
We get into the car and leave.
thoughts of a rape victimThoughts of the rape victim
At the fall of each fist more bones are broken.
More and more pain I endure.
He beats me and beats me until I give in.
Until I give in to his sexual desires.
He undresses me.
I fight him and he beats me more.
He tells me if I scream he will kill me.
He undresses himself and slips inside of me.
"Oh god it hurts please stop!"
He keeps going.
I wasn't supposed to lose it this way.
It was just a party. Why is this happening?
Is this punishment?
I shouldn't have gone to this party.
Is this my fault?
He tells me only stupid people get raped.
Maybe this is my fault.
I feel so disgusting because I am beginning to like this.
I shouldn't like this. I am a bad person.
This is my fault.
I caused this.
I should just die.
He finishes and tells me not to tell.
He tells me if I tell he will do it again.
I run home fearing for my life.
I run up to my room saying nothing to my mother.
I collapse in my bed and begin to cry.
His voice rings through my